Video instructions and help with filling out and completing Where Form 5495 Statute

Instructions and Help about Where Form 5495 Statute

Dear friends have you ever fallen completely and utterly in love before the first time this happened to me I was 18 years old our love was so sweet it was unshakable certain forever 7 years later I went through the worst breakup you could ever imagine I was in pieces and I was really sure I would never be happy again how could two people who loved each other so much end up fighting to the point where there's no alternative but to separate this question shaped my life these are a little homemade I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did making them okay so I ended up becoming a marital researcher at Stony Brook and relationship project in Long Island New York and I interviewed hundreds of couples in all the couples I interviewed I never met a single one whose intention it was to become unhappy they all shared the same dream of Hollywood fairytale endless love how many of them actually succeed it doesn't look good statistically speaking in the Western world there is a 2/3 probability that you'll end up in divorce in your lifetime and how many more are quietly unhappy or even lonely in their marriages now why is that let me ask you a question would you jump out of a third-floor window onto a concrete floor probably not why not because you studied the laws of physics but how many of you have studied in school the laws of emotion that explain to you your own inner world and the world of interpersonal dynamics that are so complicated you see how can we expect children to grow up and get along on an ever more crowded planet if we don't prepare them for that my journey took me to become a therapist and an executive coach it was my job to study other people's inner lives and I've met with people from all kinds of backgrounds I got started in California in prisons working with gang children I worked with parents of child abuse I worked with incest survivors I worked with survivors of torture at Bellevue Hospital in New York I worked with supermodels with aristocracy with the uber rich with hedge fund managers with CEOs and boards of companies and amongst them a lot of unhappy couples I am here today to share with you some of the lessons I learned through them I would like to start with the story it starts like this being being hello honey I'm gonna be two hours late for dinner on the other side is a wife who thinks to herself oh my god this is already the third time this week this is happening what am i air do I matter does he even care he's probably having an affair at the office when a husband comes home let's just say it's not a very romantic evening now let's go to another scenario okay it starts similar it goes ring honey I'm about two hours late for dinner this wife thinks to herself oh my god this is already the third time this week this is happening and he already left so tired this morning I'm so sorry he has to go through this it's just not fair and he's doing all this just to provide a better living for me and the children and when he comes home she gives him a big hug and says let's just make the best out of evening we have now it's no surprise that these two women react so differently to the same triggering event you see the same trigger the phone call interacts with a very different button in the two women for one it triggers fear of an affair but would it surprise you if I told you that this woman's past marriage ended in divorce because her husband did cheat on her for the other woman the same trigger triggers feelings of gratitude and compassion in the face of self-sacrifice but what if I told you that for that woman there was a father who worked day and night to earn the extra money to put her through university so she would not have to be poor as he was you see it's no coincidence because you cannot get triggered into an emotional reaction unless you have a receptor field inside of you that is interacting with the trigger you can think of this like a mountain and the top of a mountain is the button that can get pressed and the bottom of the mountain is often underneath the fog which means it's often outside of your conscious awareness and you may not even realize it's there until a triggering event activates it and even then most people don't realize that there's a can you can think of these as they're called in western psychology as emotional schemas you can think of them like colored glasses if you're wearing pink glasses the world looks pink if you're wearing blue glasses the world looks blue the trouble is there's a lot of people walking around without realizing that they're wearing glasses now just because I study these processes doesn't mean they don't happen to me I'm now going to share with you a personal story okay it's very personal so don't tell everyone okay when I was in my early 20s I had the joy of dating a therapist one day we got into an argument and I got so angry kind of like this okay in my anger I thought he was just being horrible and I was very sure that I was dating the wrong guy I was sure that he was wrong and I was right in the middle of this he looked at me and said Diana you're very angry at me aren't you I had to admit this was true so I said yes and then he said you're so angry